New Year

I shall start this by saying, happy new year 2009 and hope all your wishes and hopes come true! I like writing entries each year. Recapping my year and looking forward to the next. What can I say, 2008 has been one heck of a ride… like you have NO IDEA. Everything changed, a lot of things ended, just to give chance to wonderful new ones. I started the year kind of difficult, it got better as I let go of some things. I felt free, but at the same time things were changing at a speed I could barely keep track of. I would write from 3 to 6 pages on my journal daily trying to keep track of all that was going on. Trying to make sense of it all. Some things just were impossible to find any sense at all. Just accept and embrace. And so I did, and I have never been more grateful in my life. I gave up, I asked only for a small miracle, and I shall not do anything else but that, wait and pray. And just few days after, it started to happen, and it did.

As my end of University approached, I had to let go of that too, and try to find my place. It was harder than I thought, but I kept searching for a way and a place. I’m sure many were saying like “good for you” but thinking, “you’re nuts, that’s impossible”. And sure, proved harder than expected, so instead of giving up entirely, I choose another path. After so many tears and countless sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do, I gave up.  Ready to accept life as it was, ready to just accept an ordinary life I so much hated while I got a chance to do and be something different. The next day, I wake up, with that same feeling I get everything something is about to change. The feeling that that day holds something special for me. And I get on the computer. And tired, without wanting to think, I just stared at my options. And there it was, the one option that eluded me all those months. And I got my chance, more wonderful that I had asked for.

All this year, my life have been lead by those two single miracles I hold so dear to me. They are the most important thing for me right now. For they will also play a big role in my life next year. Next year, it’s such a big year for me like many don’t have a clue. It’s what I’ve been looking forward to all my life. Ever since I could hold and read books. Is the biggest gift life could give me after all these years. I must say, this year was indeed hard. i cried like I never had, but it was all so worth it. I don’t care if I have to go through it again if this feeling of gratitude is my reward. This feeling I have, this wonderful gratitude, this happiness, it’s worth all those nights and more. What is happening in my life right now, is pure magic, and I wouldn’t want it otherwise.

As 2009 approach, it fills me with more expectations than never before. I look forward to it more than any other year. I miracles, just started in 2008, they will just intensify in 2009. I just know so. Sure, I know I will cry a lot, I feel feel lonely countless of times, but heck I will never regret. The rewards after that are countless. Many people feel sad and lonely at time, it’s only a matter of being conscious that no matter what, eventually everything will fall into place. I held on to that, countless of time. I would just get stronger, I would just grow more hopeful. And hold to that saying that says, when you are about to give up, it’s when things start to change, so don’t give up. That proved true to me. This is a wonderful feeling.

For all the friends I lost, for all the friends I made, for all the memories I will never regret, thank you. For all that is to come, for all the love and all the warmth, thank you even more. The ride is not over yet, it just started.

Something I like... [after shower]

Coming out of a cold shower feeling my back freeze, and then putting on a warm sleeping robe; enjoying the sensation of my body getting warm and cozy, ready to just fall asleep.

On life and it's purposes

So I was reading some things around the web and I found some interesting articles on life purpose. No, I wasn't just reading on that, I was reading on life in general. But one of the articles were about that in particular. Which surprisingly (or maybe not) struck me. I have forgotten if I wrote about this before, but, when I was a little girl, I used to know my life purpose. Simple, yet, many would call it silly, or stupid, or just plain naive. When I was ten, back then I was interested in this type of subjects. And I grew rapidly aware of many things, while many others had to learn later… some never at all. Made me feel like an outcast most of the time. Always the quiet one, observing everything, wondering what everyone was thinking, or why they were doing what they were doing. Always looking for more answers to even more questions. That's why I was so quiet. Eventually, people would say so much how shy I was, I end up believing it myself. Restricting myself from trying a lot of things. (Something I'm trying to make up fro now). But during that time, where I found myself contemplating life from a distance, being just a mere observer, I learned something I enjoyed more than anything else. And that was, seeing people smile.

Is as simple as that, yet so complicated. Every moment in my life, is defined and directed by that single purpose. When I figured that out,I started to act, I started to live, I started to dare and eventually, become fearless. At the point where people say to me how amazed they are cause they wouldn't dare something like me. And the funniest thing is… is no treat to life. They are amazed at how I decide to take such a big decision as I am right now… and I am amazed at how they can go drunk at 4am in the morning, in a car, full speed, defying death… and yet come out alive. Is not that I fear dying doing that. More like, I find it stupid, and immature. Is just not my idea of fun and living life fully. I live my life full and passionate in my own terms. Some might find it boring, and it probably is, is my own perception and mind that make sit interesting. The way I live my life, to see it fun, you must put yourself in my place. I direct my life with that purpose I made when I was a kid. For me, seeing someone genuinely smiling, honestly, freely, beautifully, just a single moment of bliss in a single smile, that, is the most beautiful sight for me. Is like, you see someone smiling so purely, and that single second, you forget everything else. On the best case scenario, you find yourself smiling out of pure contagiousness.

Why did I made that my life purpose when I was just a kid? I didn't knew what to do, I didn't enjoyed what many others seem to love. But I enjoy looking at people and just observing them. So it started there. My life purpose… and then, the tools. That was my challenge, it still is. Although right now, the path is a bit clearer. As I grew up, my answer to "what's your life purpose?" became, "to make people smile with my art". This resulted as I saw how people reacted when they requested a portrait. Even though crappy at that age, their amazement and smile were priceless. I just loved it every single time. Then, I forgot about that, and I started to grow in fear of the future. I didn't knew what I wanted to do, more like I forgot. And I block myself. I started to blame many outside factors, when in the end, it was my own fear blocking me. My own self doubt. I deeply regret that, but now there's no way back. the only thing I can do is compensate for my time lost, and dare go the distance to achieve that what I want. It started as courage, taking deep breaths and diving in… later on, seeing there's no harm in it, you can say it's more fearless. I won't lie saying "it won't kill me", you never know ;P, but the chances of something going wrong are SO little, compared to how things could turn out so great.

And then there's my intuition. Something I learned to listen to a few years back. And it has never failed me. It's what keeps pushing me forward, to not be afraid. And I listen to it, and act on it, on it's proper time. I never written about what I'm about to write next, but I guess it's about time. In my second year of university, I had my first real relationship ever. It was good, it was beautiful, and I can't complain. I must say I find myself really lucky, as a great part of the population can't say the same of their first relationships. Usually the relationship going totally wrong is why they end it. That wasn't my case. I learned a lot, and for that I'm grateful, was very happy indeed. At some point, I started to depend on it for the future, there, was my mistake. Is not that is wrong, but I was forgetting about my own goals. It was a good relationship, but I was stuck. No more growth, just there… just simple, ordinary life. While I would always tell myself in school, I will never live the simple ordinary life they expect me to live. Perfect daughter, perfect student, perfect girlfriend, perfect wife, perfect mother, the list goes one… if not perfect, then close to. I was certainly working on the "perfect" part. Which eventually exhausted me.

And yes, I can say right now I'm like a little bird finally out of the nest. Well, almost, just a little more till I'm actually flying. I can't say I didn't struggled to leave my relationship. I did, boy I did… but the struggle was more in the fear of "what next". All my plans, all my safety cage, all my perfectly aligned future, vanished. Because I choose to. Why did I choose to throw away such a great life? Because it wasn't me, it didn't felt like me, I felt like an outsider experiencing someone else's life. It was like a long dream where I was the third person looking at it from a distance. Screaming to make it stop. Screaming to remember me. And one day, I decided to let it all go. And even if at first I was scared, I could hear myself again. That voice that would always guide me, and it would tell me, that everything was going to be ok. And that now, real life begins. Everything else, was just the initial phase, to prepare me. I'm so happy that stage of my life is over. Looking back at it now, feels like I graduated from another type of school and going into another one. When I graduated from university, I left in that stage of my life more than just the classrooms. Wonderful memories I will never forget and will always look back with a smile on my face. I won't lie, up until a few months back, I would still feel sad whenever I remembered my time back then. But not anymore, right now, it's all so refreshing.

So now I could continue my quest, to follow my life paths wherever it leads me. Fearless and strong. Sometimes I am scared, but I try to remind myself that I have also gone through some things in the past and come out stronger and alive. And that I will just keep doing the same, either come out happy or stronger. I either enjoy the fruits or learn what I did wrong and replant another tree. I either choose to accept the expected way because it's safer, or I dare go in search of something else. I have never in my life, picture myself living in my own country, working, or even dating. This is a truth, as much as something I humbly say "well, maybe I can do this or that", in my mind I'm thinking bigger. Simple yet big. Simple has always been a big part of my life. I don't know where I will end up in the end, how, with who, or when… I just know it won't be here. I just know I will be making many smile, I just know that children smiles are the most precious in the universe. I just know it will be beautiful. I just know, this is where life is pointing me to, I can only choose to follow, or stay here. I choose to follow, because I love surprises like that. And of course I have plans, I just don't know how feasible they can be until I get there. Some things are out of my hand, I will just take care of those I can manage, the rest will take care of itself. And I'm a strong believer in karma, I know in the end everything will be alright.

On addictions

Here is for a random entry. Why? Because I feel like writing since I haven't done so in a while. I am giving art classes to a 7 year old. Today I don't have to, which is sad because it mean $40 less in my wallet. And I was looking forward to it. I really enjoy doing that. Oh well. My life as far as I can write publicly, has been ok. Normal days here and there, tougher days here and there, wonderful days everywhere. Been slaking on art, just don't feel inspired. But blaming goonzu on it. And yush, I can admit I'm an addict. But not really, I don't have problem stop playing, if there was something better for me to do on Internet right now. But since that's not the case, I am quiet active in game right now. Loving my town and friends there.

I don't get out much, practically never, unless someone drags me out, which usually I respond with an instant yes if I'm not busy. Guess I'm not your typical girl, never been, never will be. It has come to my attention that I'm not as crazy as I thought, daring, yes, crazy? Not sure. Goonzu has some funny stories around it, and I just notice I'm a plain good girl that just like being nice to everyone unless they really ask for a kick in their but. I will stop being fully active in 2 months or less. Probably till the last day I can. Not because of my addiction to the game, but because I am growing fond of some people there and I just can't help it. XD is like when someone is addicted to MSN or chatting. That's more my case than the game itself. And the game is not GREAT, it's the people that makes it interesting. If you can take insanity and drama and just enjoy it from afar? Then you have no problem playing long. If you are part of the insanity and drama, you will be on a constant wave of quiting and changing places. If you just can't stand it, you will probably leave before being level 60. In my case, I'm rather neutral. I know people here and there, know some flaws and some virtues. And openly say if I dislike it and that's it. But would be funny if I could actually recollect the stories behind all the goonzu drama. I could indeed, I have my connections, but it would take me quiet a time of organizing and planning.

I've been playing for 2 years now. Been wanting to try other games but just the thought of having to start over makes me lazy. And then the people, I am too attached to them! I'm doomed! I do wonder though, how we will miss each other once we all stop playing little by little. Is not like we are kids in our school years doing some gaming to fill up worthless TV time. Most of us around our 20's, reaching 25's and if we don't get home or computer related jobs, we will stop playing soon enough. Such is my case. I am actually exited to quit playing because the reason I will do so it's more than the job itself, it's all that comes with it. Like a whole little girl's fantasy becoming true. And I can't say I will stop by the game and visit form time to time, because I'm not sure how much access I will have yet. Once I'm working and see the time and access then I will see how often I can log in.

It will be like Final Fantasy retreat symptoms all over again! -snif- I play FF for like... 8 years of my life. Once they stop doing the PS2 versions, I knew my FF life was over and done for. I still miss it so much! Listening and watching to the videos here and there still makes me happy and remember that time when I would just sit with my brothers and play for hours long. I miss doing that with them. Was a fun time of my life. I save those play discs like treasure! No one is allowed to touch them or take them without my consent. I still have my FFVIII original discs from back in 1998. I remember my brother was the one who introduced it to me. He bought it cause the graphics were cool, (back then they were the best) and I end up spending long hours after school, from 5pm to 1am if possible on weekends. I would even dream about it every night, I still do sometimes. They like scars in my memory! Just like Stargate SG:1.

I spent around the same time watching the whole Stargate series as Final Fantasy. But Stargate was once a week, my Friday night. It was sacred, like my own time, no one was allowed to take form me. Every night at 10PM I will lay on my bed and watch it. Once it was daylight saving time change, it became 11PM, by which I would fall asleep and not watch. So I even bought a VCR to record it every week faithfully. I remember one night was the season finally of season... 4? I was on a school trip, so I left it recording. But it fail, and I am ashamed to say that I cried when I found out. I had dial up connection, so I couldn't say like "well I search it on line". But it was the season the kill my favorite character, and I was clueless as of what happened. And I didn't saw season 5 faithfully because of that. Once in Season 6, I went at it again. I was a Stargate junkie. I was a final fantasy junkie, and now a goonzu junkie. But that stage will also be over soon, and as I write, I'm preparing myself mentally to be detached from it once again. Not all good things must come to and end, but those non-productive one have to. Although I can't say Goonzu wasn't productive. I learned a lot form that stupid game, and meet a lot of people, and how everyone is so different. Above all, friendship, believe it or not. I might write about that one day. Because the friends I made there, although few, are timeless.

Unknown Fields

You have to give up the life you have to get to the life that is waiting for you.
~James Hillman, Psychologist.

I found that quote while reading my blog feeds. And I just felt like sharing that one life lesson. Don't let fears of the unknown stop you from going for what you feel is just right. You never know what's at the other side of the door till you dare go through it. Moments in our life are scary indeed, but we have to go through them, and if we believe and have some kind of faith, as small as it might be, even on your own convictions, things do get better. It sounds cliché, but after every storm, there is always a rainbow, somewhere, even if you don't see it. Hard times make us stronger, and only after we go through that can we only treasure what we have after. Otherwise we would ignore its value.

I've given up on many things in my life out of fear, especially of the unknown. But enough was enough, and as hard as it was, I did dare to venture into it. And so far, the path is bright and full of blossoming flowers, eternally spring, or at least a really long one. I don't regret the path I took before, but I do wonder sometimes what would have been if I have taken the one I really wanted. Past is past, but I really wished to tell people to ignore that fear, that is indeed there and just go for it. Show them who is in control, you or your fears?

Everyone wonders if the grass is greener on the other side. But few dare to try and have a look. Some do, and they just find out that theirs was greener. But just them having tried, is something not to be ashamed of. I'm not saying to be proud of, because it depends on situations. But… in a way, it all comes to you really knowing the value of what you hold. Is it important as you want to stay with it, or you really feel you should move on? I decided quiet some time now to cross that field; find out if the grass is greener; I actually decided that even if it wasn't, I would at least try to make flowers grow on it. So I brought some seeds with me. I couldn't see well, but there was this small seed in my hand, the rest in my pocket, and even if it was too dark for me to see the grass, I could feel it was soft. I could feel the grass beneath my toes gentle and soft and just wonderful. And I could feel the sweet breeze, and I wondered, "Could I stay just for a bit?"

I felt great yet afraid. And with fear I let that small seed drop to the ground. I couldn't find it because of how dark it was. Such an unknown place yet it felt like home. I felt sorry looking back, yet happy I decided to go and see, I didn't knew why, I just felt happy. And then, as the night went on I started to feel at ease. And at times I would feel the breeze reaching out to me, and sometimes none at all and I would feel afraid and confused and alone. And then I saw the moon in the sky, suddenly starting to shine in its full light. The moon, little by little illuminated the field, just to reveal the most wonderful and magical place I could have been in.

As the moon set in and the sun came up, it revealed a little plant coming out of the grass. Small, very small, so delicate, I was afraid to damage it. So I back up and let it be, let it grow. In the mean while I went to explore the deepest parts of the forests and all around the field. Some places I could not see well, some places are still yet unknown to me. But what I see it's still beautiful. Just when I was tired of so much walking, I sat restless in a spot, near the plant, looking at it from afar. And I fell asleep with the sweet warm breeze caressing me, making me feel welcome, and the sweet smell of the fresh grass below me. When I woke up, the rest of the seeds in my pockets fell on the grown, and I was surrounded by beautiful flowers. The little plant was taller and it got taller as the days went on. Now, it's a tree, and what a beautiful tree it is!

As afraid as I was of leaving behind what I left, just to explore such a place that I even couldn't see at all, I will never regret. This is home, and I am glad. And trees keep growing, and this one seems to be getting stronger and taller; reaching for the sun and the moon at night. The flowers fill the air with all the sweetness it can have; and I dance happily all around the field. The butterflies seem to love the flowers too, as they won't go away. They just keep playing around with me. I'm not afraid anymore, I did jump after all into the deep dark night, there is no way back. And I don't intend to go back anyway. This is my place now. Thank you.

<3

PS: This is how you change the world. Found that article ^^ makes me feel happy of such a world like this.

Korean movies are meant to be watched alone

I just feel like writing, and this movie touch my heart ^^
The Classic

I was searching through crunchy roll for some foreign movies (did I mention I love those the most?) I have a special liking for korean ones, hearing the language is like music to me, I don't know why. The music is my favorite too, nothing relax me more than classic relaxing korean music; and inspire me.

The Classic, just like the title says, it's you classic love story. The girl helps her friend win the guy writing emails for her. While she in fact likes him. The story starts with a rainbow and some doves and a small door filled with journals and letters. She read a box of letter from her mother, a box full of love letters from her mother's first love. And beneath them a journal. She start to read, just to find out her mother's story is quiet similar top her's. She is going to marry this nice but rather stupid guy. And the guy ask his friend to write her letters for him. She don't know they are friend, they meet in a precious river. The fall in love all in one day. They wondered in an old house which looked a lot like the one the main girl is living in, only renovated. Then they walked a bridge, and he catch her a firefly (closest and romanti thing to catch you a falling star). As a thank you gift for a wonderful and magical day, she gives him a necklace, round and silver, with a red stone in the middle. They don't see each other until school starts. Then the love triangle gets messy and the first guy end up trying to kill himself. All because he feared more his dad's punishment for not marrying the daughter of an important figure. He was not in love with her, and he knew his friend was.

He don't die, but this put a great distance between the lovers. He goes away, it's war time. Revolutions, wars and fights everywhere. She is part of the revolutionist, as well as the first guy. They meet again, and they see her love going away to war. They bid a painful farewell and she returns the necklace that he returned to her that day at the hospital after his friend's suicidal attempt. At war, he risk his life to get back the necklace, stolen by a fellow soldier.

Years later they meet at a cafe. She hasn't married and he ask her why, that he did. She starts to cry silently, and this has no effect on him. She is surprised at his cold reaction. Until he made a wrong move, a piano doll that wasn't there, he pretended it was. He was blinded in war. She cried and he tried to run but couldn't. He wanted to return the necklace but she told him it was his and gently put it back on his neck. They hug, and said goodbye yet again.

She married the first guy, and had a daughter, the one from the beginning of the story. While the child was around 5 she was standing staring at that river that once brought her so much happiness. Her daughter innocently playing with the fishes in the rocks. And three man in suit approached her and called her name. "Joo-na's last wish," they said. She started to cry like the whole world just crushed down. Her daughter looked at her trying to understand. They gave the box which contained the letter and the journal to her. Turned out, he never married until after she did. And he even had a son. (At this moment I was like "duh"). They spreath the ashes in the river.

At this moment, she finish telling her mother's story to the now -Boyfriend- of hers. After a bit of comedy when he end up sending the so-called-friend to where to she came from. He has to resist crying, and she looked at his confused. Sure, it was a sad story but you don't have to cry dude. I think that's what she thought. Until he looks at her, both sitting facing the sunset in the same river. And he smiled, and from his neck, he took off the necklace. (Big duh?) Her eyes watered (so did mine pfft. sissy me.) and the started to laugh at life's funny plays. She took the necklace. And once more, the story began. The walked the bridge, and he catch her the firefly. But this time it went as it should have been from the start. As he kiss her, she left the firefly go. I guess it is indeed better to have the kiss of who you love than any star in the sky.

Well, I liked the story, very much. A lot. If one thing I try to find in stories is symbolism. And how they give meaning to small things. The movies is much more than what I just wrote. A lot more happened that is better understood by watching. Like when she opened the gift and saw a line written in a card for her (but she thought it was for her friend). And when she reads the journal, she finds the exact same line. Guess the boy learned how to be a hopeless romantic from his father.

And so, my typical women night. Can't help it, every girl needs some extra-third-person romance in her life. I love the koreans for that. Because honestly speaking, the ones here in America, suck. Did I made sense? No? I thought so. ^^

Those small things

I've always been the kind of person that keeps it cool during stressful situations. Always believing that this way I will help other try to get less stressful... in a way, not add to their stress. This have led me to not get overly stressed at huge things going wrong. Is the fact that they are huge that keeps me in mind that not everything can go right. Funny thing is, that when it comes to small things, a matter of minutes, can really make you feel angry and sad in a way? I don't expect too much from big things, but I always expect a lot from small things; believing that being small, it shouldn't be a problem for them to go right or just how I wanted.

Well, then comes the people, situations out of your hand that makes you feel angry at it even if you think "it's no big deal". This goes like this especially for kids. Don't ever underestimate a kid's will, and the crush him breaking your promises. Well, long time ago, I was 11 or 12, it was Saint Valentine's day. Like usual, everyone gets cards from people and all. And in school, I always belonged to the smart group. In those groups, the smarter you were, the cooler you were. I was well liked, but less thought of than I thought. Valentine day arrived, and these two girls who I deeply admired, were like the coolest of the group. Everyone looked up to them, even me, and they gave these cute cards to everyone in class, EVERYONE, but me. They saw me as they approached my chair and I noticed them exchanging looks as in "oh fuck we forgot". They didn't had one for me, so they went to search for one to write my name and give it to me. It was nice of them to feel bad about it, and it wasn't hat big of a deal. But for some reason, it made me feel very bad the whole day. People really ignore the small things that make me feel bad, ignoring them, thinking is not a big deal. Big things I don't care, small things I do. I don't know why, it's just me.

Like when a kid waits for Christmas morning anxiously, waiting for it, just to open that one present he was wanting all year, something small. When he comes down, there is a huge bike in the living room. The parents got him the best, he was shocked at it, happy at it, but something was not right. He didn't saw the small box anywhere. the parents ignored the small happiness for a huge bike they thought was best. Some people, just don't take into consideration others. But then again, probably the little boy never told anyone that all he wanted was that small yellow car he saw that day at the store. So then again, it's not their fault... doesn't mean he won't be sad at it. And so it goes.

EDIT: Well, turns out the little kid with a sigh went to ride his bike for the first time. Along the way, he found a boy, they biked for a while along the neighborhood. And they became life-long friends.

Rain in PR = VACATIONS

So I was pondering what to write about, been wanting to write for a while now, just didn't come up with anything yet. So Puerto Rico, the south part, is the driest place you can find in the Caribbean Sea. Up in the north you can see some rain now and then, not much, but definitely more than south. And the island is so small, so why would it make any difference if it rains north and not south? Well, the mountains… the mountains. Those huge, things cities fight over who owns which one… it's the central mountain chain which keeps the difference in south and north well defined.

Recently during this hurricane season, storms have been passing over us (north), leaving just some bit of rain in south, lot in north, but nothing harmful. The closest one to hit us was Hanna…. And that was like a few hours' rain and gone; but total devastation in neighbor's countries, such as Cuba and R.D. My theory is that there is this protective atmosphere that formed after the global warming started kicking in. Since then we haven't got a hurricane for… what? Three years? I can't really recall, but it has been a long time.

I remember when I was in high school, my last year. It was raining so badly in April that when we got off the buss to walk home, bellow all the rain, (me and my brother) I almost fell inside a hole in the street that was not visible due to the water. If it wasn't because my brother grabbed me by instinct by the arm, I would have eaten mud and my school bag would by bye bye (with all inside it). That was the last time I remember it rained so much here. At least for 3 full day, non-stop. Back then, we still went to school even though the rain, although not the next day.

Puerto Rico is so not used to rain, that people actually was starting to forget all the safety preparations before hurricane season. Although is a normal thing that they always rush to the supermarket to buy all needs (plus some good amount of beer) the hour before the hurricane arrives. After they do that, they make it a national sport to actually predict how the storm is going to behave. From category 5 to 3 before it reach, speed, curves, town it's going to enter first, more rain than wind or more wind than rain, and so forth. Everyone here has their own story to tell when it comes to hurricane season.

Well, I honestly must say, feeling sorry for all the homes that are not prepare for it and the people who get stuck in their houses for days long; I ENJOY the season. I love rain like that. But people here seem to fear it some way. Sure, you can't use cars when it has been raining for three days non-stop. But there are still a LOT of things you can do, like play old good games, walk (which many need; including me), watch movies, just have a good time while all activity is suspended. When I was in school, we celebrated the storms, because it meant we will be excused for not going, EVEN if we had a test. Truth be told, 75% of schools are impossible to reach if it's raining. That's how stupid architects are here. Hope they fix all that soon. So here is my story of one of the most fun hurricane time I had… well, I saw it fun back then. :P There was this time, when we used to live in a wooden home. Here, if you have a wooden house, you need to make sure it's safely attached to the ground *chuckles*. Actually is the ceiling you have to secure, the more ropes the better. Since we lived in a wooden house, we needed to stay in a concrete home while the storm passes. My dad would ALWAYS stay in the wooden house to make sure it stands the storm. We would go to our grandma's house which was at the other side of our neighborhood. It was like a whole sleep over; clothing, blankets, pillows, and lots of relatives. We would all sleep scattered. We, as the kids, would get the beds. ;) Although my grandma's beds always smelled funny to me, I would eventually fall asleep after around 2am when everyone was quiet and not drinking. I remember that hurricane was really cool, yet too much.

They sat in the balcony as it approached, tempting the storm. It was always a fun thing to do for guys, to go out at the beginning of it and hold till you had to actually run. I looked through the window, and saw the most wonderful thing I ever saw nature related. The sky was blue and grey, and like magic, it turned orange, pure orange in just seconds. It was like someone was dropping paint over it. It was very beautiful. And the sound, HOW I love the whistle of the wind and the sound of the heavy rain hitting the ceiling, plus the trees moving, and all of it (starting to miss it now XD). Well, after the storm passed the next morning my dad came on foot. ALL paths were blocked. There was no way cars could go through, either by water, junk or trees on the street. My dad would tell us how he had to hide in the bathroom while the storm passed, because the whole house would shake. Thank goodness, our house was intact, the yard… which was HUGE, was full of ceilings, which dad thought was ours. Turned out it was all from the houses around, ALL of them damaged, all but ours. The neighbors actually were angry at us, not even our trees fell. Was a funny time. The not so fun part was that we end up without electricity for around a month, I can't recall the exact time. But classes were suspended for a long while because the classrooms were being used for refugees.

Oh well.Now, it has been raining for 3 days yet again, because of s "small" storm coming from south. We have a lot of categories for storms, categories most countries won't have. We have the hurricanes, which is according to the speed of winds and the eye diameter. Then there's the storm, which is like 2 levels bellow hurricane. And the "Vaguadas", if you pay attention, you see the word "agua" (water). So that's basically, pure water, no winds or anything, just water and more water. And then the wind storms which I'm not sure how they call them, since they are rare. Then we have the sand storms from Sahara's desert, how I hate those, allergies FTW! And then the chill (cold waves), when we have cold wind blowing from up north during January and February. The country literally stops functioning with the "vaguadas". Government has to help flowed sectors, schools have to serve as refugees and universities and jobs are simply unreachable. I love it because it gives me full, cozy nights with my cozy sheet, instead of the think cotton one which is not cozy but good for hot nights. I rather use the big one :(. XD! I did want to write…. Geeesshhhh. Too much. XD

Birthday Reflection Entry (Warning: pathetic rants)

:) In a few days I turn 22, YAY! And I decided to write a nice entry on it. Why? Because I just finished doing massive cleanup in my room, throwing away some old stuff, including… stuff animals. So obviously, something is going on that maybe not even I am sure of. First thing, I don't remember being 21. You know how old people when they get older they complain about reaching that age of expecting just to be… old? Well, not that I complain, but I'm getting that –growing-up-yet-not-grown-up- feeling. I still live the teenage-age. I know most people now are getting pass that stage around 25, or so some of my old professors said; which I find rather true here. So that leaves me what… three more years? Heck… no, I really feel I want to take off this year. I don't know how, I do know why though (:P) , just not sure of the means. But well, I guess it also has to do with the fact that I graduated and probably I'm suffering the home-sickness of university. Missing the "I'm busy with homework" status, or the "this suck I have 3 tests on the same day!" Yes, sounds crazy, very. But most of those who haven't graduated yet will get to it soon enough.

And then there's the expectations; "are you doing a master?"; "are you going to continuing studying?"; "have you found a job?"; "what are you going to do now?" I'm honestly getting sick of those questions. Don't get me wrong, I understand the concern and the fact that I shouldn't waste the "good student" title. But everyone lives their life as they wish. No, I don't want to be another lazy but watching TV all day and eating my life away. Two reasons, I don't watch TV and I don't eat so much. But yes I spend most of my time here, in front of the computer. (Not to mention scared to dead that my laptop won't survive the overuse.) But I have my reasons to be here, those who know me know that computer or no computer, I will still be in my room most of the day anyway. The computer just keeps me in touch with the outside world.

The problem here is not that I am doing nothing, because I am, but that I don't get pay for it. And that keeps me stuck. But in another way, I love writing as much as I love drawing, probably more to be honest. So this is what I shall keep on doing. Who knows, probably my lifestyle is actually suitable for a writer. And there it goes the guessing on what to do next. I do know what I want; it's the in-between part that it's unknown to me right now. And I am happy, that I am, don't get me wrong. I'm more than happy (soon I can be even more or so I hope :) ) but it's kind of melancholic to see that your school years are over. Probably not entirely for now, but I'm sure I'm not the continuing-studying type. That's what I get for trying so hard since elementary school, got exhausted. Only thing I would gladly study is something practical, which is probably the technical courses people offer; especially if its art or writing related.

But for now, this is all I have and all I'm holding to; faith, love, a small spark of hope, and words. And I know that that is more than most will ever have. So I'm lucky and blessed, I just wish for a bit of freedom. Soon I know. A new year and I know it's going to be the best one yet. I just hope to stop being asked "what are you going to do next". Not that I mind, but I will stop lying about it from now. No, I won't continue studying, not for now anyway, not until I see the chance. But I stop chasing it for now; I leave that up to life. I have other priorities now, and I know I'm skillful and smart enough to do whatever I want in life. I was born for it! I mean, I guess it's my attitude that gets me this far. But also a hunch, that everything is ok, as long as I keep pushing forward and kicking and punching the bad feelings away. Ever since I was a little girl, this is what I believed in, and life has given me all I wanted without problems. Or maybe it has been with problems but I don't sense them as such? Challenges all the way which makes life all exiting and worth going through. Better than living a senseless life that's for sure. I always said I rather have my life filled with challenges than live a plain life where all I do is eating, work and survive. I always welcome them, is like I poke life with a stick in the eye. She just laughs and plays with me, and I laugh, and I'm happy. Whatever made you cry once, will surely make you laugh later. It always has been like that. I'm spoiled, so what?

Empty Cookie

I was searching for something to write about and I started to see if there were any good memes. I found this website which I liked more than the rest: http://www.1000wordsmeme.com/They use a picture and you have to write whatever you want about it. I decided to write a story. I was not sure if 1000 words was a rule or not. But I thought it would be fun to try to make it exactly 1000 words, no more, no less. And so I did. It's probably crappy and cheesy, but I liked it and it was fun. Enjoy.
(Do not post anywhere without permission.)

Empty Cookie

Ana stood by the door waiting for the rain to stop. The wind would blow some rain inside the house as she held the door open. But she didn't care, for all she cared she was about to step outside just like that. She wrapped her hands inside her jacket for warmth as she saw some kids stepping outside to enjoy the rain. She smiled at them as she remembered when she used to do that. She missed dancing in the rain. She looked behind to look inside her house. It was empty and quiet, very well organized, yet lonely. She then looked back at the street, and with a smile she jumped into the rain. And without a care in the world she started to dance along with the kids.

The neighbors would look at her strangely. After all she wasn't a little kid, yet she was behaving just like one. She lived by herself ever since her mom passed away when she was nineteen. Seven years later she still lived in the same empty house. A few failed romance, and a few failed jobs. She wondered if she had the right to just dance in the rain instead of working to get out of there. As the rain started to pass away, the mother of one of the kids invited them inside their house. She offered them hot chocolate and fortune cookies.

They were all wet but the lady didn't seem to mind this. She was actually enjoying it. And so was Ana. Ana took one of the cookies and drank some chocolate. As the kids opened the cookies they would laugh and talk about the fortune written on that cookie.

"I'm going to get surprise money!" one of them said holding the paper on the air.

"Yea right, look at this one, says expect the unexpected. What's that supposed to mean?" said another kid looking at his. The other two boys and the only girl exchanged theirs for fun.

"The cookies are wise," said the old lady while sitting with her cup of chocolate at the table.

"What is this?" said Ana looking at hers.

"What does it says!? What does it says!?" asked the kids curiously.

"Nothing," said Ana showing them the empty paper.

"Well, aren't you a lucky one?" said the lady.

"Why am I lucky?" asked Ana confused. After all, what's a blank fortune cookie worth? Probably it was a mistake from the fabric where the cookies were made.

"Well, means your destiny it's whatever you want it to be. You can write in that single strip your whole life, and it would be done," the lady said cheerfully looking at Ana.

Ana just stared at the blank piece of paper. After a while they all went to their houses. While Ana was getting ready to sleep she saw the paper on her nightstand. She took a pen from the drawer and wrote on it. "I don't want to be alone anymore." She then had a dream that night.

In the dream she was holding a red balloon and she let go of it. She woke up and after breakfast she rushed to the town plaza to buy a balloon. She took the paper she wrote and tied it to the balloon. The old man who sold it to her was looking at her wondering what she was doing. She smiled as she let go of the small piece of paper into the sky.

Three months and a few more weeks passed by in a flash. Ana got a new job at the coffee shop of the town. A man came in; he didn't look like a local. Ana knew almost everyone in her town and she knew he wasn't from around. He asked her for a cup of coffee and some waffles. She served it to him with a smile and he smiled back. When he was going to pay he took out his wallet and pay but realized was short of change.

The man reached to his pocket taking everything there was out. A few things came out like a pocket watch, some spare change, a business card, and the paper. Ana recognized it at the moment. Her eyes wide opened and tears filled her eyes as she looked at the man. He wondered what was wrong with her and asked her if she was ok. She nodded as she took the small piece of paper with the tip of her fingers; as if she didn't wanted to ruin it more than it was already.

"Oh, I found that two weeks ago… it saved my life," said the man with a melancholic smile. She stared at what she wrote, it was hers for sure, the same words and her handwriting. She had to hold her tears back and smiled at the man.

"Thank you," she said. He looked at her confused and smiled. He put everything back into his pocket except for the change which he gave her and the small piece of paper which she still had. "Can I have that back?" he said pointing at it.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, yes," she said offering it back, but took it away just as fast. "Are you married?" she surprisingly asked at him. He almost chocked with the coffee. She laughed as he cleaned up the drops of coffee.

"No, why?" he asked back.

"Have a girlfriend? Or are you gay?" she asked him again. She was actually surprised herself she was asking a total stranger such direct questions.

"No, no… but why?" he asked back again.

"Lunch tomorrow?" she asked again hiding away her blush. The man started to laugh and so did she. "I'm so sorry, I don't usually do this," she apologized for being as direct while he tried to control his laughter.

"Of course," he said with a smile after a minute of laughter.

"Ana," she said offering a handshake.

"Patrick," he answered back while shaking her hand.

By Marisabel Muñoz
August 19, 2008

On people and faith

Well, I haven't actually written here in a while. But a special-person-with-foots-full-of-glue asks me about it. I've been writing all night on different places. But this one I will also write on. Not only for the special person-with-foots-full-of-glue, but also for the other special people who wonder why am I so lost lately? Not that I will write about that anyway, not here. But my writing pretty much matches my mood.

I remember last actual entry, was Life Winning Lessons
The reason I haven't write much, it's because there are times, when life starts to happen and I just want to enjoy it and I forget to write. But tonight is an exception, because this entry is to celebrate it and the wonders and people of it.

Where to begin is always the hardest part. Especially since I've been writing all day on different places, I forget what I wrote about and what not. And what I feel like sharing too. I really should note down the random thoughts I have to be able to write them. But one of them right now is, how funny, that in the end, it all comes to people. Whatever you do, whatever you wish, whatever you want or not, it's all because of someone else. I once denied this myself. Saying I will only work for me, I will work for my happiness, because no one can make me as happy as I can. And so I spent a lot of time with only a few friends, not that that has changed. But at least now I know I cannot live without those special spots in people's hearts. In a way, it's true only you can make yourself happy, but on the other hand, that is completely written wrongly. Is not that it's only you, but that it's –starts- with you.

In order to make people happy, you must be happy. People make, if you make them happy, it's all give and take. And as much as I said when I was little, I won't settle for anyone, in the end, and in reality, if I can, I would. Cause that's what's caring is about. But don't be fooled. If settling means going against your own person, then it's wrong. When I say settling, is putting the other person's happiness as priority, because that makes you happier than anything else. And if that other person's priority is also to make you happy, then you become a team, and both work for what you wish to achieve. I also find it funny how selfish that is in the end. You make the person happy for your own happiness. You cannot escape that. But as long as it's from both sides, then everything is beautiful, even the darkest days.

I know I don't have many friends, and those few I do have I seldom call. I am a very devoted person when it comes to caring for someone, my whole attention focus. And sometimes I feel like neglecting the others. But I also find comfort in the fact that I know, that those others understand me sometimes better than myself. They understand I have a weird way of caring for others, but yet I do. And sometimes they see in me what I cannot see. And it makes me happy to have such people in my life, even when I only talk to them once a month or less. Because well, even if we don't share those daily moments, we do share memories, and that keep us bound. Isn't beautiful when you see two persons, that haven't seen each other for five years, and when they do, it's like they were always together. Nothing changed, only new experience and the opportunity to share them. That's how you know, true friendship is there.

I'm not a talker, but they do know that when I write, it's from my heart. And when I say I love them all and I'm grateful they are part of my memories and my present, they know I mean it. As long as they are ok, it's all I need to know. That's why in a way, when someone online says hello and go directly with "hey, wanna be friends?", I get really annoyed. Because they think friendship is as easy as that. It takes time and struggles. And well, I know I offend a lot of people when I say that. Every time they ask, "do you like me as your friend?" , "are we friends?", and so on, I honestly answer to them, "No, we just meet." Because there's a difference in knowing someone, and –knowing- someone. I feel the urge to actually give them a speech on that. But some people just find it annoying.

Once there was this teacher from middle school, who praised mom, because she said I was very selective with my friendships, and I knew who to pick as real friends. I must admit, yes, I was very picky, still am, I don't let anyone that easily into my world. I take pride in saying, whoever meets me; -actually- meet me, is never the same again. And I like to change people's lives for good, just being me. But she was wrong in something, I don't pick them. Friendship, just as love, which comes in that order, just happens. That's the magic of it. You cannot force it, you cannot pick it. You pick it after you feel there's a special connection in some level; some understanding or some interest. After you find that, then you pick, but not the other way around.

Let's put as example three of those people, two of them I know read this. The first one, Mindy, I know her since middle school, but we didn't become friends till high school. And I was honestly curious about her personality. But being in different classrooms, where people were rivals, made me stay away from them, then in high school friendship happened, just like that. Then there's Xyli, pwety Xyli (yesh you!), same story, university, knew her from distance, wonder about her personality, and then after a while, friendship happened in a click. It was funny, but yea. And then Marya, cause she was the first person that could reach the actual friend status. She went to meet me at home because of my brother, I didn't say a thing and she went away. A month later, they took me out of my house and the rest is history. I always thank her for me being able to express myself more. Because before that I was very quiet. But yea, I could go on with the list and how everyone has played such a big part of my life and shaped me. People change people, it's even better if the common goal is to make happy the other person.

(Sudden subject change, but my thoughts are like that) Because once there's that, the rest can come, life will provide. You start to believe in miracles, you start to see magic and hope for it where there was none. It's a hard thing to do, to believe. Sometimes you wonder about it, you get down, and do your best to get up. Until you find ways to do so, and you understand yourself so well, it's very hard to get you down. Because you know what keeps you happy. But yes, faith is a hard thing at first; I was raised by it, but never had it until later. And when I did, boy did my life changed. Not talking about religion by the way, that is just not… it. But of actual belief, hope, faith, of the future you cannot see, but you wish to grasp. A future which you might be scared of, but you cannot let that fear blind you and stop you on your way. Is like this fight, where as long as there is faith, you cannot loose.

It's scary, it is, very. But that's the challenge, getting over that. Living to the life you want. Holding unto your wishes, believing they exist somewhere and that soon, it will be at your reach. I've learned that the closer I am to gaining what I want, the tired I get, the sadder I get, the more I want to quit. When you feel that, is when you must stand up and say "NO!". Because it's a challenge you must face with courage. And even if you don't feel courage, fake it. And don't give in. It's all a trick. Magic is happening right now, more than I thought possible, life is funny like that. I just let it happen. I just let it come to me. Make my own happiness like this. My dream is still one basic childish dream; my goals are the direction I think is best to take to fulfill them. But I do know that I'm not entitled to only that, and that life can surprise me with unthought-of alternatives to make my dreams come true. You let go of fear and the what-ifs, and you let life take control of what you can. Just do it, it's scary at first, but later on, you see it's the best thing you could ever have done. Cause sometimes that's the only thing you can do, let go and let god. Once I let go of a little red balloon, and everything started to change.

Life Winning Lessons (part 2)

So I just remembered I left out a lot of things because I saw I wrote too much but I think they are yet as valuable. So here it goes again.

You cannot cheat life. Life is old and wise. The thing is that you want some things but you cannot expect to have them now. You must give it time. But as time goes by you might change and the things you wanted then you might not want them now. And it's because of this you never got them. If you don't have something, you might wonder and might ask why you didn't. Maybe you never actually wanted it enough. And maybe when you look back and do like a map of how you have lead your life so far, you might notice suddenly that there is something that you have indeed always wanted. And you have been wishing for it, unconsciously. Or you have been playing little mind stories about it thinking it's good. When in fact you have been telling the whole universe that you want that. And something abruptly starts to end, and you find yourself in a whirlpool of confusion and you ask why that is happening to you. I always go with, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Because life might seem random, but is less than it. We make life. And well, some things start to happen just because they need to happen in order to something else to happen. People play the victim and just stay stuck there, suffering the unchangeable, the past. So probably something awful stop you from pursuing something and years pass and you kept doing something else. And then something amazing happened to you. And you might say its luck, but, would the same thing have happened if you didn't went by what you went through? It's all a chain of events unfolding every second.

Now the chains of events are always occurring, whether we notice them or not. Haven't you felt how sometimes you have this whole new pack of battery and you just feel like you can take over the world? And then a few days later, you feel down? Well, that's the wave of life. Life is energy. And I might not understand the reason of why we should feel so low at times. But I do like to think of it like this. Life is like a wave, and when you are up, you must expect to be down soon. And so when you are down, you must also expect to be up again soon. That's the only expectation I allow in my life. When it comes to wanting something, all you can do is want it. The rest is up to the events you control and those you don't. And those you don't, you must face them with positive attitude. Expectations are a big no-no for wishing. Expectation keeps you wondering whether you will get it or not, it usually keeps you wondering on doubt. And doubt is not good when it comes to being true to what you want. If you want something, you must believe you can get it, yet not expect it. Because like I say, maybe there is a reason for you NOT to get it in the first place. Whatever happens, happens. Right? You can hope, but hope is not the same as expectation. Hope is like this light that guides you through the darkest tunnel. Expectation in you walking blindly through that tunnel and not knowing if there is a next step or not, and if there is none, you will be angry there isn't; instead of being happy you just finished that path and now you are somewhere else.

(I would keep going but I have to finish a certain miss drawing <<, more like fix. So, estate quieta Mindy querida q lo arreglo ahora. I will do a third part if I remember what else I missed. Or if someone ask questions XD! Which I hope not. LOL)

Life Winning Lessons (Part 1)

I was re-reading my current journal a few days back. Just to find how my writing style has changed. I barely record any events form the past. I do however keep record of my dreams and wishes. My goals and aspirations. My current happiness. Instead of why I'm angry or sad, I record why I'm happy. It's like a way to remember why I was happy then, and so I will be grateful for it. And I will be happy again when I remember that single happiness. The problem with people lately and their endless pursue of happiness is the fact that they focus too much on the "what could have been". Instead of the "what will it be". They make their past experiences, good or bad, their focus. Living in memories. They have regrets of things they did and did not do. I remember I used to do that a lot. But slowly my focus went from my past to my future, and even more to my present. Because there is no better moment to be happy than now.

Now, there are fine lines which are hard for most people. I won't say it comes easy to me, but I can say I do have more practice on it. There was this particular entry on my journal on a wish I made. The thing is, it was an abstract dream, not where, not when, not how, just a wish from the heart of how I wanted to lead my life once and for all. A month later, a series of events started to unfold. Writing my wishes has always worked on me. It's like the pen is a magic wand and the paper, the words, the material manifestation of what I want. And later on, it actually comes true. I won't lie saying they ALL come true. Cause they don't. But there's a difference in attitude. With another attitude I would just go, "oh that's impossible, of course it won't come true. I wish this blahblah but it will never happen anyway." That's the kind of wishing I hear the most all the time, especially from mom. With my own attitude, I think this, "well, my wish didn't come true, because I wasn't wishing well." And yes, there is a right way to wish and a wrong way to wish. Search through history and you will find how many people have managed to control life around them at will by pure wishful thinking. Religions, civilizations, people. The Paleolithic period use images to attract wealth like animals and food. They believe it worked. And probably it did, who knows.

Now I'm no expert. But I know a few tricks that have worked for me. Words are powerful, choose the right words, know what you want, and know where to aim. Sure luck is part of it, only if you don't trust your own power. ;) So there is what you want. You can't possible get what you are not sure about. In order to plant a tree you must know what tree you are planting in order to prepare the soil and the environment. Or be able to choose the proper place where it will grow. Then how, you must explore realistic possibilities before wishing. You must let life know you are working on it, that you truly want it. Can't wish on a tree to grow tall and strong if you do not take care of it with basic knowledge. Probably it will grow on its own, true, but only if it's meant to. But don't you feel better than even if it didn't, you did your best to make it possible? For example. You wish to have better grades. But you don't study. O.o…. now where's the wrong there? Unless the teachers are incompetent or the tests just suck, I don't think you will get better grades without studies. And forget about all that general BS. Like, meeting the love of your life, having the house of your dreams, the car of your dreams, or the vacation of your dreams. One big reason dreams get delayed. Example, "I wish I could meet the love of my life." There are two things wrong here. Number one, the –I could-. Remember I said: "words are powerful"? Well when you say "I could" you are keeping the wish in the constant future. And there it will be staying until you say otherwise. Secondly, the love of your life, right? And the wishing well will go, "uhuh, and you eat that with salt or pepper?" You say love of your life, but do you even have any idea of what kind of person you want in your life? No? I thought so. And if you do, stop reading and go for it.

Now let me rephrase the wish again. "I wish to meet the person I will spend the rest of my life with, who will (not would) treat me like XXXXXXXX and will be like XXXXXX." And forget about being too picky or specific. The people, who get what they want, know what they want. And you got to aim higher than high to get to the high spot at least. Here comes the block. "I'm wishing this too much, I'm asking too much, I don't think I should." Well, WRONG. You should. That's a big problem nowadays. People don't give themselves enough value. If you deserve the best, just admit it, you believe so, the heck with the rest. As long as you believe it, you will shine. Why do you think there are some kinds of people that just get attention without wanting it? They believe that they are worth the living. And this kind of positive energy attracts more positive energy. Like attracts likes. Or so they say. And it's true when it comes to the mind. If your mind is set on negative, you will only notice the bad things around you and the closed doors. And if your mind is set on positive you will be able to ignore those close doors that don't matter at all (they are close anyway) and will start to notice the open ones and the good things around you. You will be like walking down the park, you stumble and fall, and when you are standing up you find yourself looking at this wonderful sun fall. If you are positive you will notice the sun fall and will be happy to have fallen otherwise you wouldn't have noticed. And if you are negative, you will just curse out, look at your foot, stand up, and walk away in a bad mood.

So far is like this. Know what you want, explore realistic options, and wish for help with it. But positive. You can not say, "I wish I could." You must say "I wish this." And that's it. It's like a royal right. First come first served. You need to ask and it will be given. But here's the catch and the thin lines. You must be thinking, "what's wrong with the world then with so many people wishing for peace?" Well, everything. Yes, everything is wrong with that wish. First of all, "We wish for peace around the world." The world? BS. True peace starts from within. Wish for peace for yourself, and watch the domino effect take over, it's magical. ;) "I wish there were no more wars." Again, BS, negative, negative. You are wishing for no wars and you are attracting war. Why? Cause words exist to name things that exist. Sure, you cannot ignore the reality of it, but at least don't add to it. What's a good wish on peace? Real peace? "I wish to have peace and happiness in my life so I share it with the world." J Now THAT'S a wish.

This has been long. But last line on material wishes, they suck. Don't wish for material if you don't wish for life first. After you have your life balance and life is happy with you and you with it. Then you will be able to wish material. But it takes time, sometimes years. So many get impatient and loose sight of their wish. That's why you see so many unhappy people. If you ask someone who is truly happy what their wishes are, they will tell you, they are coming true. Because they wished years ago to be where they are now, step by step. Consciously or unconsciously. I write wishes all the time, sometimes unconsciously, and forget about them. And when I read, I just have to be thankful for it. Being thankful and being happy is the best reward you can give life for allowing you to be here.